This is something I’ve been working on in my heart and mind. I have found that I have a different kind of greed, not for money or material objects, but for lifestyles, adventures, experiences. Majority of the time I am not even comparing my life to someone else; I am comparing it to what I think it should be.
This is really hard for me to share and I’ve actually had this post written for awhile without sharing it.
I am constantly working to remind myself that there is enough in the universe. The mountains will still be there for me to climb. The adventures will continue to exist. I will have my own unique experiences.
The universe is abundant.
Some days I’m really feeling this statement in it’s fullest. Days like these I’m so amped and excited about everything and then for some reason it will switch. These other days I get stuck in my head on how I’m not doing or seeing enough and how we only have one life; am I wasting it in comparison to this other lifestyle? No. I’m not. I am exactly where I need to be.
Would I absolutely love to live in a van, travel constantly, climb every mountain, or swim in every glacier lake? Yes. Absolutely. But that’s not where I am. I am working on myself, I am learning and growing in my practice and my heart, I am building a life and community here. And when the comparison is gone I am awakened to how lucky I am. Lucky with my life, with my loving family and boyfriend, with this beautiful city I get to live and grow in.
I’m so freaking lucky for clean water, access to food and a safe home. We take it for granted. CLEAN WATER. So many people don’t have these privileges. In reality those basic needs are all I need, everything else is just extra. If I live my life with this belief then I already have more than enough. I’m already spoiled by love. I am spoiled by the ability to wash my sheets. I am spoiled by the existence of my stove and fridge.
One day I may end up living out of a van, I will climb more mountains, travel to new countries, and until then the adventure will be waiting for me.
THERE IS ENOUGH.
We believe we are working towards being happy, but happiness is an emotion you feel in the moment, it is laughter and smiles. We should not be chasing happiness, in fact chase nothing. We should be finding our contentment; to be content with where you are and who you are. I am telling you to dig deep, be content with who you are. I do not mean your name, your status, your job, or any other title you have been given (male, female, dancer, mom, boss, hiker), those are not who you are. You are a soul. When all of the titles, successes, money etc. is stripped away, who are you? Are you content with who you are, without everything else?
The contentment I desire is right here, I just have to remind myself of it sometimes, and that’s okay too. After all, I am a soul, I get lost.
Take some time. Look into yourself and find your greed. What is an area that you want and someone else has, and more than anything you want to be happy for them, but there is some small part of you that is envious? Find that trigger, that area of your life where you struggle.
It could be some one else’s body image, money, career, home size, how many children they have, it could be so many things. Find it and pay attention to it. Simply observe when that button get pushed, take a deep breathe and release it. Let go of the tension in your shoulder, jaw, of your entire body. Feel that the universe is abundant, that there is MORE than enough for all of us. Feel it, harness it, live it.